A Tribute

This is to mark the first birthday for Iris since she passed. I miss her everyday. She was funny, adorable, high energy, the best cuddler, and my little one.

This day was my hopes for the minimum of how long she lived. I knew we would not have long with her given her chronic poor health.

Rest well over the rainbow bridge.

Anxiety and Chronic Depression

So I wanted to open up to you all about living with chronic anxiety. While medication and therapy certainly help there are times when my anxiety is unmanageable.

There are times where I cannot fall asleep due to anxiety. On those nights I stare at the ceiling and remember every time I have done something wrong in my life. One of the first memories that comes to mind is from when I was in 3rd grade. I went to work with my mom in the mornings since she was a “lunch lady”. I would drink hot tea every morning because my allergies were always awful, and the warm liquid helped the congestion. One day I forgot to pick up my cup, clean, and put it away. I was yelled at by every lunch lady on the team and my mom for being so irresponsible and leaving the tea cup out. The reason why was because they assumed I was being lazy and wanted to take the elevator to the second floor, so I rushed off without completing my chore. The second reason is because a younger child assumed the cup was for them and tried to drink from it.

What I said did not matter and I was a terrible person for having endangered this 5-year-old. I was maybe ten at the time.

When this memory comes up my anxiety reminds me of how terrible of a child I was and how I endangered someone else’s child. My rational mind knows this was all a misunderstanding and an accidental thing. But my anxiety thinks at ten I should have been as responsible as an adult.

There are other memories, but this is always the first

Top 3 Guilty Pleasures

  1. Harry Potter fan fiction- I love how creative and supportive this community is. The character development and talent of these writers is stellar. The representation of minorities, curvy girls, LGBTQIA folks, Kink, and other often ignored groups is wonderful. For example I have rarely been able to find a book featuring a woman with multiple husbands but there are several available in the fan fiction world
  2. Candles- growing up a lot of candles gave me headaches because of my allergies and sensitivity to scents that are too strong. Once I reached graduate school and started taking my self-care more seriously I really grew to love candles. My favorite is the scent London Fog which unfortunately was discontinues, but the Glade Gingerbread is a close second.
  3. True Crime Podcasts- I like true crime podcasts because of them discuss scientific advancements in forensics, how people work, and advocate for victims of crimes. I do not like that these crimes happen, but I feel like the spotlight on motivation, public health, justice, or lack of justice, along with science is a great thing. It is unfortunate that some pod casts glorify crimes, stigmatize mental health, and the issues with plagiarism. I try and avoid the more… dramatic hosts.

30 next year

In my next decade of life, I am looking forward to stability. I will be a married woman soon and I hope to build a home with my love. I also look forward to having a room dedicated to our heard of guinea pigs. They have a lot of space now with the cage we made, but I feel they would be so happy with a whole room to themselves. Please clean up would be a breeze. Sweep, mop, dry, place bedding, all done.

I hope to develop my independence within my career further and use the left over time to explore my hobbies. Magic the gathering, reading, writing, sewing, have all taken a back seat to focus on my career since I turned twenty.

In summary I look forward to spiritual growth, growing roots, and nurturing myself.

Bisexuality Visibility Day

At one point in my life I identified as bisexual, I now identify as pansexual but there is a bit of story time behind this. Many people, including those in the LGBTQIA community believe in bi sexuality erasure. I’ve met my fair share of them in college when I was learning to embrace my identity.

Many people shamed me for being bisexual saying u was erasing trans folx and that I was transphobic.

I had one ex tell me I just didn’t know who I was and I needed to choose, ironic to me because they were also bisexual.

I had to make a choice, which was hard, to avoid the Allies/LGBTQIA groups on campus because people bisexual was a taboo, or it was fetishized. It depended on what social circle I was in.

There is also the myth that bisexual people are not faithful or need to be polyamorous. This is simply not true, monogamy/polyamory is a different discussion than who a person is romantically/sexually attracted to.

In the end I decided pan fit be better due to the prefix pan meaning all. Since my care/attraction to someone is based on intellect, emotions, ect and not based on the social construct of gender or what is in someone’s pants.

To all my bi friends and readers I see you and I am here for you.

Suicide Summit

I was blessed to be able to attend a free five credit continuing education summit on suicide treatment and intervention. I wanted to attend both days but staffing did not allow me to complete the other 6 credits.

I enjoyed listening to Victor Armstrong, MSW. I have heard him speak at my Homecoming programming last year, but at the summit he was given more time to really speak out mental health in minority communities and really speak about his experience about being a black male in society today.

I won’t dishonor his story by trying to repeat it from memory today. But, I will say that if you have a chance to hear him speak or follow him on Twitter for his cultural awareness and depth of knowledge I recommend it.

The keynote speaker of the day was Kevin Hines who has battled mental health and survived a suicide attempt. Please watch his YouTube videos or read his website to learn about his story. You will learn so much about the gaps in mental health.

Much love and light readers

New Endocrinologist

So I finally saw my new endocrinologist. She isn’t my favorite but she is fit and knowledgable. Much better than my last provider who told me to eat healthy and take walks so I would not be fat.

It has been a bit hectic, and all my medications are being adjusted but I am trying to take it slow so I don’t overwhelm my mind and body. I am happy to say my thyroid is finally being taken care of after no medication adjustments since 7/28/17

Love and light readers!

The Novice Path Orilium Reading List

Novice Path Entrance– Read a Book with a Map- Raven’s Shadow by Patricia Briggs

Patricia Briggs is my favor werewolf romance write, and Raven’s Shadow has been on my TBR for a while. I figured now was a great time to bust it out.

Ashthorn Tree– Read a book that is tempting to you- Six of Crows by Leigh Bsrbugo 

Leila recommended this book for over a year. I finally took the advice and had the book delivered. I will be reading it this month!

The Mist of SolitudeRead a standalone- To Kill a Kingdom by Alexandra Christo

This is another one of those books that I have tried to pick up a few times, but life has gotten too busy. I really hope to finish this book!

Ruin of the Skye– Read a book featuring ghosts/haunted house/ other supernatural elements- Goosebumps Ghost Beach by R.L. Stine 

This book is one of the dozen Goosebumps books I let my fiance keep out, the rest of the books went into storage until the first set is read through. I do not know anything about the book besides the title, and that it is part of the Goosebumps collection.

Obsidian Falls– Read a thriller or Mystery book- To Right The Wrongs by Sheryl Scarborough

This is one of my most anticipated reads for the months, To Catch a Killer really pulled me in so I have high hopes for To Right the Wrongs. Plus the cliffhanger of the main characters paternaty made me want to dive right in!

Tower of Rumination– Read a five star prediction-  The Brat by Lynsay Sands 

I have had this book on my shelf for over two years. I love how Lynsay Sands has written the Highlander romance books so I have five star hopes for this read.

Orilium Academy– Read a book with a school setting- Vampire Knight VOL 3 by Matsuri Hino 

I am reading the next book in the Vampire Knight Manga. I re-read volume 1 for a readathon and volume 2 was also read for a readathon. I was holding onto volume 3 for a “special occasion” since volume 4 is on back order, but it is a great Academy/ School based manga, perfect for a prompt like this one!

The Next step in breaking down an article- Deep reading

When reading I like to have some basic supplies on hand, they are not required but I find them helpful. 

  1. Pen(s) and or Pencils- I use the Pilot Precise V5, in red, blue, green, black, light blue, red, pink, and purple. However, you can use anything that works for you 
  2. Highlights- I use thin tip highlighters in multiple colors. The text on articles tends to be tightly packed so the thin highlighter work best for precise highlighting 
  3. Sticky note/ post it notes- I grab whatever is available, the size you need depends on how much you need to flag
  4. The most important part is to know your learning style- for me I need to listen to music in head phones to drown out any other distractions so I can truly concentrate- your needs will likely be different 

After you have your supplies you are ready to start diving in! 

Things to flag include the following: 

  1. Key words specifically for the text- even if you know them you want to look up definitions because they may be used in a different context in research 
  2. Words that are unfamiliar to you. You will want to mark them and look up the definition. 
    1. Tip- I find using context clues to define words harder in academic literature than in daily reading. I typically keep a blank search bar open on my phone or computer to quickly search words 
  3. Sentences that mention other papers or sources
    1. If you are doing a literature review and need further sources, or writing a paper, looking at the primary sources will give you the most unbiased information 

September is Suicide awareness month

This year life link is sponsoring #Bethe1to to spread awareness about suicide and suicide prevention. Be the one to has six recommended action items. 

  1. Ask 
    1. Studies show that asking someone if they are suicidal/ having thoughts of suicide provides some emotional/psychological relief for the person who is suffering. Be gentle, be kind, but be direct. It used to be thought that this would make the suicidal ideation worse, but this has been debunked. 
  2. Be There 
    1. I know times are hard with the pandemic but be there for each other. It could be anything from texts, phone calls, zoom meetings, ect. People are less overwhelmed by their suicidal thoughts when they can talk to someone without judgment. 
  3. Keep Them Safe 
    1. Research shows that when lethal means of suicide are un-available or less available, suicide rates decline. This could as simple as taking away the item(s) with which the person plans to use to commit suicide. 
  4. Help them Stay Connected 
    1. This one is like be there, research shows people with more social supports can feel less hopeless and more likely to battle the underlying cause of their suicidal ideation. 
  5. Follow Up 
    1. This one is more for professionals, but you can help too. Studies show that those who receive post-acute treatment follow up are less likely to complete a suicide attempt. For those in a person’s support network you can help by asking if they have followed up with a doctor, advanced practice provider, therapist, or other professional for support. 
  6. Learn More 
    1. There are tons of resources out there to learn more about suicide and suicide prevention. 

I recommend NAMI, Lifeline, Crisis Text line, and Mental Health First Aid to name a few. If you have recommended resources leave a comment below! 

Life link campaign resources- https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/promote-national-suicide-prevention-month/