Hi readers I seem to have found where I belong and why I am the way I am.
The burnt out formerly gifted and talented group really speaks to me. From third grade through high school I was in “mentally gifted” programs. Where I would either stay after school, be pulled from classes for a day, or otherwise miss some of class to get “enrichment” on topics not covered in classes.
I pushed myself to get the best grades often at the expense of my mental health and frustration of my family. “Why do you try so hard they can’t give you anything better than an A?”
Then college hit me in the face like a ton of bricks. Coming from an inner city charter school that was under funded, and the ceo did not care to fix the funding issues. I begged to be moved to a better school because I had a sense of doom and knew if I didn’t better prepare myself college would be hell.
My parents didn’t understand and didn’t even try to move me. I even had teachers begging them to get me to a better school. Shout out to my high school math teachers who did their best for me!
I went into college thinking I was going to be pre-med. However, I had no social skills, no sense of self, no independence, and no idea what love looked like. The kind of love that isn’t transactional.
Within the first few months of school I found myself stalked by a campus coven, forced into my first kiss, vilified by residents life because of a rich roommate, and isolated. I was failing and on academic probation by the time I went home for Christmas break. I was depressed enough that my parents told me to pretend to be happy or they would force me to drop out of college. So here I was in December and January, working to save money for the next semester, and pretending I was wanted to be alive.
I struggled that entire first year. Between freshman and sophomore year I changed majors from pre-med track with biology, to just biology, to psychology, to sociology, to undeclared, to social work.
I found social work to be natural for me, it had some of the knowledge I wanted and I could help people at the end of the day. The few friends I had made fun of me, saying I’d be the worst social worker and to quit, but they didn’t have a better option in mind besides that college wasn’t the right place for me. Looking back they were just ad toxic as the family I left behind to go to college.
Junior and Senior year were better. I made a few real friends I still talk to, I was doing well in my major. I pulled my gpa from failing to a solid c average. It wasn’t what I hoped and I still find myself frustrated with the turn of events but I was happier.
More on gifted kid burn out in the coming weeks.