It has been a long few weeks of illness, fights with family, attempting self care, and figuring out what the future looks like. I do not think my future lies with my current place of employment. I am months from being able to sit for my terminal license.

I am currently in the search of new employment. I can no longer handle workplace toxicity. I was okay with working overtime, I was accepting of the low pay rates temporarily, I am even okay with crumby health care, but being punished for being sick is not something I can tolerate.

I was ill over the weekend with a terrible stomach flu. I landed in the ER for fluids due to dehydration and pain medication for my stomach. I was sent home from the emergency room with a few prescriptions to hold me over until my primary care office opened up on Monday. My fever spiked to 103, I called the on call doctor at my office with no response. I made it through the night at had to use Sunday to rest and call out from work. Resting did not happen though. I ended up receiving a warning that I am out from work too often. This sent me into a bit of a breakdown.

To be fair I have had three illnesses with fevers since COVID started which according to work standards I cannot return until I am on the mend and/or have a COVID test completed that results as a negative. I also had to take a day off for my bank account being hacked. This has happened twice since COVID started but I only took off during the second incidence since this left me without rent money days before it was due.

I am not happy with myself for being this sick, but the amount of stress my mind and body is under as a front line worker in a pandemic makes itself known in the most inconvenient of ways. This includes illness during times of stress, sinus infections, ear infections, the flu, stomach flu, and other ailments tend to hit me when I am most stressed. It was much worse during midterms and finals in college. I was in the hospital every semester at least once. in grad school I sick several times as well.

I have learned to manage my family stress through low contact, and I do not have the pressure of academics any longer.

In the coming weeks I will be blogging about my job search, applying for FMLA, self care, and the holidays.

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